People love to talk about sports, love to dissect what they see on TV, assuming they have all the right answers about what’s going on. When a coach or player does something that comes across offensive, it’s a topic of discussion before anyone involved even knows about it. Analysts and commentators start dissecting the tone. I remember a video of Gerald McCoy being asked about his coach yelling at him (link here: https://www.facebook.com/usafootball/videos/10156124672201478/?vh=e). In the video he makes a statement saying, “hear the message, not the tone.” Emotion has the power to take over, overshadow the message when we listen to the tone. All sorts of feelings can come as a result of how something is said or expressed to us. As mentioned in a previous post, Newton’s third law says for every action there is a reaction. Well that applies to tone as well.
The saying goes “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” And boy do we wish that was true?! As a millennial, whether it’s a college professor, media, or the celebrities/athletes we look up to; we are being conditioned to read into tone, read into the way people speak… taking things just as we heard it and respond accordingly. It becomes less about the message being delivered and more about how we feel when talked to. Don’t get me wrong, tone can press all our buttons, has the power to pull every emotional string in our body, and yes, can dramatically affect how we feel… if we let it. We’ve seen athletes sit in a press conference having to respond to something they said. We read tweets about a celebrity doing something wrong or wearing the wrong thing. We hear an influencer comment on hater messages, and suddenly, the tone begins to overshadow what’s said. As hard as it is to admit, some of the millennial generation has been babied with hands held walking through life, when in reality, the real world isn’t as forgiving, and it’s not a safe haven to nurture the broken bones that are overly softened feelings.
But what about the flip side to receiving a message? What about the message we are delivering? As I mentioned before, tone is important, but not more important than the message. And I believe the question hidden in this conundrum is “what is the intention of the message?” Oftentimes the tone we use is driven by the goal of the message. So check your messages.
I’ve been in meetings with different levels of leadership at different companies and I have seen this work positively and negatively. From inspiring change or growth to being a cause to increased attrition. See, people have great thoughts and great things to say, but if interpreted wrong, it may never be heard. On the contrary, if done correctly, even firing someone can be received in a more emotionally stable fashion.
So what do we do? How do we create the right message and deliver it accurately? How do we decipher the tone someone uses to hear the message? Romans 8:6 says, “The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” What does this mean in this context, you might be asking? I think it is twofold. On one hand it creates a perspective of where the message comes from, allowing us to be in the right mindset to understand the message through the tone. On the other hand, our mindset affects how we deliver and construct a message. When receiving a message, if our emotions aren’t in check and our mind is governed by flesh, all we will hear is the tone. On the delivery side, if our emotions aren’t in check, our tone takes over and can disrupt the message.
It starts with a choice to create a pure heart and a pure conscious in ourselves. Trust who we are at our core and rely on our mindset being set in the right direction. We can only control ourselves. Ever been in a fight with a significant other and overanalyzed a discussion before it even happened? Exactly, how does that go? Most often, the concern shadows the message and doesn’t allow us to hear what’s actually being said. So take responsibility for yourself, hold yourself accountable to keeping your emotions in check and listening for the message. It’s easier said than done, but it makes a difference. Using McCoy and his situation as the example, when his coach yelled at him, he had two choices: Hear the message and understand the circumstances; or, respond with emotion and potentially lead to a more destructive outcome.
In closing, it’s important to note, I am not saying let people talk down to you or walk on you. But understanding and hearing the message will better help you decipher when to walk away and when to stay in a conversation. It starts inside you, hold yourself accountable to keep your emotions in check, and your tone in check. In the words of Gerald McCoy, “Hear the message, not the tone.”
WORKOUT
Message and tone have an interesting connection to working out. I always had coaches say, “set the tone” whether it be in the gym or on the field. Create the intensity. Deliver the message. For many of us, working out during the pandemic has becoming increasingly difficult. So, make the decision to get yourself in the right mindset, set the tone, deliver the message.
Set up: Go through each block 3x – 40sec work, 20sec rest. Use the WOD timer APP or a stopwatch to keep your time!
(warm-up)
Block 1:
1. Spider-Man Push-ups
2. Mountain Climbers
3. Shoulder Taps
Block 2:
1. Air Squats
2. Burpees (no jump)
3. In and Out Sit-ups (sit down, lean back, pull your knees to your chest, and extend legs – lift hands off ground for increased difficulty)
Block 3:
1. Jump Squats
2. Plank Hold
3. Kick-Thrus (start in push up plank pos., kick right leg through/keeping right arm down, point opposite side to sky – alternate sides)
Block 4:
1. Tricep Dips
2. Crunches
3. Russian Twists
(cool down/stretch)
Hammer and Anvil 